Tuesday, March 1, 2016

How Running Helped Me Get Through My Divorce

It's been an emotional few years. I got married, got pregnant, had a baby, fought to lose the baby weight, fought to save my marriage, separated and am now finalizing my divorce.

I went from a double income to a single income. Some months I barely have enough to buy everything we need, yet alone what we want.

I get lonely.

I want to have my kids but find myself questioning when or if that'll happen.

Remember how tough it was planning your wedding? It's nothing compared to splitting your life and your child's life. You go from spending every day with your child to seeing them 50% of the time and sometimes not for long stretches (10 days apart can feel like FOREVER.)

Divorce sucks. It's hard. It's emotional, painful and can break even the strongest people.

I know. I've been broken.

Thankfully, I have a great co-parent to make things easier for London but it's not an easy process.

I've spent many nights crying myself to sleep and going over more "what if's" than I care to admit.

Thankfully, I found running.

When I first started running it was to lose weight. I gained sixty pounds during my pregnancy and I wanted to feel good about myself again. My then-husband bought me a treadmill, two months after London was born, and I started a couch to 5K program.

It took off from there and I've never been more thankful for running as I have been in the past eighteen months.

I run to feel and not to feel.

I run fast so I can't hear the thoughts in my head or the pain in my heart. 

I run for hours so I don't have to go home and face reality. 

I run outside so I can fill my lungs with fresh air and remind myself I have so much to be lucky for. 

I run inside, on the treadmill, so I can catch up on my favourite television show since it's probably the only chance I'll have.

Now, running is my companion.

It's always there when I need it. It listens when I need to vent or am seeking clarity.
Running is my free therapy.

Running is the lifelong commitment I will fight to keep.

1 comment:

  1. It's crazy how endorphins work like that. I think this could easily translate to other physical activity as a way of clearing your head- I've used fitness to get through some pretty rough patches myself!